It's The Sharp End of the World as We Know It

I like the Sharp End. It is bril. I like the bits with the pikchurs and the kartoons mister.

The Sharp End, for those not in the know, is a government sponsored glossy magazine aimed at and distributed free to the police and in the style of various "YOOF" magazines. It's punchy, sexy and withit maan. I suspect it was put out to us in order to counteract the less than complimentary (to the policy makers) articles and cynicism apparent in some of the other police publications.

I remember looking at it the first time it landed and wondering what half-wit had written most of the articles in it. They were so blatantly nothing to do with the real world and contained more propaganda than anything Lord Haw Haw managed.

I particularly enjoy articles that are of the "By Police, For Police" style. Some brown nose gets to trumpet the joys of his or her post and how they are making a real difference to their communities. But it wouldn't be the same without the support they get from them upstairs....(ha!) It's an obvious ploy to make those of us suffering the crass stupidities of the system think that we must be in a minority and to buck our flagging ideas up.After all, I am more than aware that it is my own fault that I take 2 hours to complete a simple charge file, 3 days to get authorisation to hide in a tree (if it's urgent, otherwise it's a week) and a month to get an appointment to see the CPS because in spite of copious evidence to the contrary, little Johnny has decided he didn't steal anything after all and we can't deal with him unless CPS stand in as Masters of the Bleeding Obvious and allow it. Yes, it's all my fault because you see, the government have reduced beurocracy and that rain forest that has been destroyed and which you can see me carting about under my arm is an obvious figment of your (and my) imagination.

The latest thing reported is a spiffing idea some desk jockey (or wannabe desk jockey) has come up with to help with robberies and thefts at jewelery stores . The owners are being asked to keep a camera phone with them and take photos of the miscreants. And to put a tape measure up at the door so they can see how tall the criminal is as they leave. You can see the scene now....

"Yes officer, I was just doing what I was asked. Yes, I did get a picture. Yes, that's the top of his head. I asked him to stand still but he wouldn't. Can you identify him..? No? But I got the whole of the back of his head. I've seen CSI Miami. Surely all you need is a torch and a pair of yellow sunglasses? And I saw that he was between 5ft 6 and 5ft 10. Yes, I know that's not very accurate but he was running at the time and I was on the ground bleeding from the head wound he gave me when I tried to take his picture...."

You just know someone's after a promotion somewhere.