Fight the Good Fight (badly)

I have been otherwise engaged and so it's been a short while since I looked at the blog. The last post was a deliberately provocative attempt to see what the reaction would be and as I should have expected I got the anti-police nutter... but lets face it, he would be quite at home in some of the estates round here... As a member of the vast majority of cops who like nothing better than finding women, kids and ethnic minorities to beat with my maglite on a Saturday night I fully understand that I should be given no better way of causing damage to the populace.

And should any of my customers wish to resist arrest, punch me for putting a ticket on their car or gouge my eyes for asking that they leave their missus alone and sober up before returning to their place of abode, I now appreciate that I should remove my stab-proof, hand over my cuffs and take the beating I deserve...

I am still amazed that there are folks out their who believe that our sole pleasure in life is to go around in gangs beating up on the innocent. There are far too many of the guilty who offer us that opportunity without me having to start it!

I know of no cop who starts the fight. Again, I am sure they exist as in any large organisation but we are so controlled, so watched that if you think we are Big-Brother's helpers then just imagine how closely he watches us. So I can guarantee that initiating the use of violence is absolutely in the very, very small minority. We are also far more likely to employ flabby social worker mindsets than front-line soldiers - have you seen the fitness test? (Can you breathe without the aid of a respirator, walk to the toilet unaided, clip your tie on without getting a sprained wrist? If the answer is yes then you too can pass the current fitness test)

I have said this before but it bears repeating. If you don't start the fight we won't have to finish it. And if you do, don't expect me to stand toe-to-toe with you. I am a crap fighter and will quite happily get some of my colleagues to help, spray you with CS or hit you with my hitting stick if it means I can walk home instead of getting the ambulance.

As it happens, I’m not that bothered about getting a taser myself. I do wish more of us had them though.

But fighting?

I won’t if you won’t. Honest.

Master Blaster

And a quickie because I couldn't resist. (I'll wax lyrical when the excitement wears off and I can shake my gut reaction)

Tasers?

Yes Please!

Take It Or Leave It...

Just finished watching Hell's Kitchen. I don't usually like reality TV shows but of course Mrs UC and the kids are hooked on every one of them.

But I have a new hero.

Marco Pierre White knocks John McLane into a cocked hat.

Just to set the scene, a diner doesn't like his asparagus, which would appear to have been served as its maker (Marco) intended. He complains and is told that as he is unlikely to appreciate further food he won't be served any more. After a quick whinge to the Maitre D, Marco allows him to approach the serving area where he attempts to engage our hero in discussion.

Marco cuts him short and says he either apologises or leaves.

That's it!

The customer leaves.

Supportive of your staff. Take no bullshit - give no bullshit

Brothers and Sisters I offer you...

Marco for Chief Constable!

Ludites Unite

This started as a comment to this blog by Sergeant Says but got a bit long as I started to rant.

I have a particular bee in my bonnet about the PCSO's too. If they are supposed to be in addition to Police then it certainly hasn't happened in my neck of the woods. The Beat Officers used to number from 15 to maybe 20. Now there are about 8 with 10-12 PCSOs.
Sounds more like replacement to me.

And this also compares to a distinct paring down of the response side. I have a memory, not that many years ago, of briefings of about 8-10 officers. Often we run with about 3-4 now.

Odd then that we are supposed to have more Police to do the job.

Inevitably they are trying to civilianise some of the jobs that police do now, and put them back on the front line. Trouble is these cops never seem to make it back on the streets. There always seems to be one more job worth creating.

There are several ways for those in the know who are in an office job, not wanting to go back on the streets but find they might have to.

1) Get a job the bosses don't understand: Performance Management is a good one. Needs at least 3 and often more people to do it and if you are bright enough a whole sergeant can hide in there with a few PC's and a computer full of figures that no-one can make head nor tail of and are mostly lies anyway. (Who fills their ABC/Activity forms in accurately?)

2) Get a job that they do understand but add so many complications that they don't undertstand it any more and daren't get rid of you. Crime Records is an excellent place. Even the government don't know what they want out of this one any more but I guarantee you that there will be something you can add in 20-20 hindsight that will require two more signatures and a whole extra layer of cops to double-check. The governement will even send round auditors to make suggestions for you... perfect.

3) Get an "issue". This is useful for cops with a little less service. Health is a good one nowadays having temporarily taken over from race and sexuality. When you consider that a missing limb may no longer be a bar to you becoming a cop if you can turn it into a disability you might even get a grant or a forum. Besides, it is cutting edge and you will be able to get some of points 1 and 2 in there as well.

In the real world, the one where we want to live but can't or daren't, there are desk jobs that are suited to cops because of their experience. Dispatch is a pretty good example. But they were traditionally for cops with 25 years, high blood pressure and a boat load of local knowledge. Centralisation is slowly doing away with these posts as the cops with experience of one patch are looking after the other side of the division.

And in the meantime you, our adoring public, can have the PCSOs. The true face of modern policing.

Like It Or Lump It

I'm sure I won't be the only cop out their to have noticed this but I just had to have a bit of a moan.

Yes it's excessive to send a kid to court for assault by sausage. And yes we have better things to do. But these are the rules you want us to live by.

If you, the "customer", would be a better parent, give your kids boundaries and not just give in to their first yell, discipline them when they are bad and praise them when they are good with a fair and consistent hand.

If teachers and police were not berated and vilified for putting hands on your dear little cherub when he is trying to punch some other kids lights out. If, when your neighbour comes round to say they are sick of your cherub using their garden as a litter bin, you could see their point of view for once and not tell them to "f" off.

And the little darling who has done this?

He is 12. He already has 3, yes 3, reprimands. The victim is 74. And deserves not to have stuff thrown at him.

You don't want him to be clipped round the ear. And you don't want to offer suitable punishment yourselves. That's too much like hard work and might require thought and, God forbid... SELF-discipline!

So we (the police) act.

And what options have you left us???

We can't do nothing. That is a lesson he learns from you.

And we can't reprimand him. That's no good because it's already had no effect and you don't follow it up.

So we take him to court. Because that is what is left to us.

Not because we want to. I can almost feel the frustration of the cop who had to submit THIS one.
And not because we think it is suitable or sensible.
But because that is what we have.
It's time to shut up and smell the coffee! We are only doing what you want us to do.

Oh Dear

Another thought -

For every 3 of these you could have two police officers.

Sleep well.

Knock Knock Who's There?

Just a quick thought....
Knocked a door today. Usual story... little sod, up to no good and mum says " I would do anything for my kids"
It made me wonder what "anything" was.
Teach them wrong from right?
Give them 3 square meals a day?
Teach them respect for their elders?
Clean the house? (if only occasionally)
Get them to mow the lawn?
Make them go to school?
Stop them from riding very small motorbikes on the pavements?
Let them know that drinking on the street isn't big OR clever?
Educate them about the evils of drugs?
Make them wear anything that isn't a knock-off tracksuit with their trousers tucked into the socks?
Tell them to bathe? (Oh God please... tell them to bathe)

No?
Thought not!